BE LOUD.
“Shut up” were the first words my attacker commanded after crawling through my bedroom window. He wanted control and thought he could get it by intimidating me with such commands. He put his big rough hand over my mouth to ensure I didn’t make a sound. He needed me to “shut up” in order to follow through with my premeditated murder.
Predators are scared of two things; 1. getting caught and 2. getting hurt. They rely on control and isolation to lessen their chances of those two things happening.
Oftentimes predators will tell you what not to do by telling you what to do. My attacker did just this when he told me to shut up. The only reason he told me to shut up was to intimidate me enough to gain control and isolation in hopes avoid getting caught and/or hurt. Spoiler alert- he got both caught and hurt.
I remember carpool drop-off conversations from when I was younger where I was told if someone tried to take me I needed to scream and run away. I always thought I would if it ever happened to me….BUT then it did and a couple of things happened;
My mouth was instantly cardboard dry the second I saw him leaning in my window. I couldn’t scream even if I wanted to, but I could make noise!
He then followed up his command for me to “shut up” with a threat, “cooperate* with me or I’m going to get your little sister.” Thus furthering intimidation for more control, more isolation. I was terrified and for a moment that felt like a century, froze.
*again, telling me what not to do by telling me what to do.
While I had the conversations about screaming if ever someone tried to take me, I never had the conversations about what to do if for one reason or another I couldn’t. Or why I needed to scream in the first place. I also never practiced. Sounds a little silly, right? But think about it….when was the last time you screamed, really screamed? I’m not talking about screaming at the t.v or in the car at the person who cut you off. I mean the kind of belly scream you’d want your child to make if he/she were being threatened? That scream. [insert audible crickets].
Most girls, myself included, grow up with this dangerous contradiction; we’re told to scream if someone tries to take/hurt us, but we’re afar more often also told to be polite, kind, friendly, and even submissive if someone tries to hurt us with words / other actions. I’ll never forget feeling like I had to be submissive to the strange man trying to murder me. THAT IS NOT OKAY. I repeat that is NOT okay.
WE (society) have to change the narrative, conversation, and approach for ourselves and for younger generations of girls.
Let’s start believing, teaching, and practicing these truths:
Your voice is one of your greatest weapons.
Your voice, no matter how old, carries power and authority.
Your voice allows you to remain and/or regain control.
Your voice allows you to create protective boundaries.
You don’t have to be polite.
You don’t have to be kind.
You don’t have to be friendly.
You don’t have to be submissive.
YOU are your first line of defense.
BE LOUD.
Practice. Practice. Practice. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
(see the Bia Defense Workbook to learn more about how to utilize your voice in practicing self-defense).And in the case that for some reason you can’t use your voice….I got you. Believe me.
Even after years of practice, therapy, and training I still worry that I won’t be able to scream. Mostly because of how freaking dry my mouth was due to a panic attack the night of my attempted murder. So instead of being paranoid, I’m prepared! I carry The Bia Keychain Alarm on the outside of my purse, my work keys keychain, and a hiking bag! I also keep one in my car and on my nightstand. Because I KNOW what it’s like not being able to make noise, but wishing so badly I could. AND because I now know why predators don’t want us to be loud, so I want to help you and yours be exactly that LOUD- as loud as possible!!
The Bia Keychain Alarm is legal in every state and can be carried anywhere by anyone! Its 130db alarm will take predators by surprise and disorient them long enough to make your next move. It has two-way alarm activation, a LED light with a flash option, a subtle Bia logo to remind you of your might, and a rechargeable battery! It’s portable, easy to use, and super easy to attach to bags, belt loops, keychains, etc!
Charging time: 1h
Alarm time: 90min
Light time: 150min
Flash time: 15h
Above all, it provides peace of mind that if our voices aren’t enough, we’ll have a LOUD plan b!
If you happen to have any questions in regards to The Bia Keychain Alarm see @thebiamovement “Bia Alarm” Highlight where all kinds of helpful questions were answered!
Be loud. Be mighty.
Bre
